Not As It Seems
by Kate28
Summary: CJ/Hoynes - The title pretty much says it all


Title: Not As It Seems (1/1)

Author: Kate

Disclaimer: Not mine (like that's a big surprise)

Rating: PG

Spoilers: Life on Mars

Feedback: Is always welcomed at katepaul@optusnet.com.au 

Note:  I've had this idea for a while and I was going to wait until I had actually seen the episode before writing it but my two typing fingers had other ideas.  Thanks to Angie for the beta and for convincing me it was worth posting (so if you hate it blame her!)

CJ stood there with a look of disbelief on her face.  She couldn't believe this strong man was confessing to having an affair.  This man she had loved and been sleeping with for nearly a year, was telling her in front of Josh, Toby and Will that while he had been having an affair with her, he had also been screwing Helen Baldwin.

She was on autopilot as she walked back to her office.  How could he have done this to her?  The irony of her situation was not lost on CJ – she was now in the same position as she had placed Suzanne a year ago.  Except that it was different.

John and Suzanne had only stayed together for the sake of his political career and they both agreed they could pursue other relationships discreetly.  

Dammit! She screamed silently, John had said he loved her.  Her breathing was becoming ragged as she fought to stay in control of her emotions.  She had never meant for it to happen – any of it.  She had never intended to go to bed with him and she had definitely never intended to fall in love with him, but she had done both and now she was sitting at her desk feeling like a broken hearten fool.

***

A few weeks after Simon had been killed, CJ had been standing in the Vice President's office discussing, rather heatedly, some quote he had given about the President's re-election campaign, when John, still seated behind his desk, interrupted her.

"I'm sorry about Agent Donovan," he said quietly.

"Yeah."  CJ responded quietly, trying to brush his sympathy aside like she had been doing with everyone else for the last three weeks.  She was afraid if she let anyone give her sympathy, she would start crying and she might not be able to stop.  

It wasn't even that she had loved Simon; she loved the potential their relationship had, she loved the way he had stood up to her, but mostly she felt guilty; guilty because he was in New York to protect her, guilty because he was buying her flowers and guilty because she had put her job first.  She could have blown off the play, they could have gone for drinks.  There were thousands of 'what if' scenarios and she had played them all over and over in her mind for the last three weeks.

"You shouldn't feel guilty."  John told her as he rose from behind his desk, walking round to CJ to take her hand and lead her to his couch.  He had watched the emotions play across her beautiful face and he knew instantly that she had been keeping them locked away – she needed to talk and, contrary to what she thought, he was very attracted to her and wanted to help.

CJ was in shock at how quickly her yelling at the Vice President had turned into her sitting on his couch holding his hand.

"Sir," CJ ventured as she looked down at their joined hands, not wanting to admit how good the warmth of his skin felt against hers.  "I really ….."

"CJ, I was about to order some dinner – join me?"  He asked her quietly.

She nodded her head.

***

CJ's head was resting in her hands as she thought back to how it had all started.  One simple dinner had lead to another and another and before she knew it she was staying at the Observatory when Suzanne was out of town, and somewhere along the way she had fallen in love with him.

There was a knock at the door and before CJ had a chance to tell whoever it was to go away, Toby was inside and sitting opposite her.

"You okay?"  He asked with genuine concern.

"Yeah, just tired," she answered, not wanting to discuss the real reason she looked like shit.

"Not as tired as Hoynes, I bet – I mean between being Vice President and running for re-election and then winning, when the hell did he find the time and energy to have an affair?  I mean, I can barely find the time to go home to take a shower and change clothes," Toby sighed, looking at his watch.  Well past midnight again.

CJ's head shot up at Toby's comment.  When did John find the time to have an affair with Helen Baldwin?  Something wasn't adding up, she needed to see the Vice President.

***

Janine had long since left when CJ arrived outside John's office.  She knocked and waited for him to tell her to enter.

 As she walked in she was shocked at the defeated look on his face.

"I thought you'd be back."  He tried to smile at her but it didn't quite reach his eyes.  "I guess you want an explanation?"

"No.  What I want is the truth. We both know there is no way you were having an affair with Helen Baldwin."  CJ spoke with far more courage than she felt.

"I wasn't sure if you'd believe me when I told you the truth," he said.

CJ remained standing opposite him.  "So what is the truth?"

"Ah, CJ it's all such a mess," he ran his hand through his hair, an action CJ had always found endearing but not tonight, tonight she wanted to know why John was lying about the affair.

"Well, it appears I am the only one who knows you couldn't possibly have been screwing Helen Baldwin because you were too busy screwing me – so what the hell is going on?"  CJ was beginning to lose her patience and she wanted answers.

"CJ, I love you.  I'm not just screwing around with you."  He looked genuinely hurt that she had reduced their relationship to such a crass level.  "But you are right, it wasn't me who was sleeping with Helen Baldwin and it certainly wasn't me who leaked information to her."

"Then who……why….?"  CJ wasn't any clearer on why John was confessing to an affair he didn't have and throwing away his political career -  then it hit her.  "Suzanne?  You are doing this to protect Suzanne?"

John walked around his desk and took her hand like he had that first time, and once again they ended up on his couch, sitting stiffly next to each other.  CJ refused to let down her guard until she knew what was going on, but she let her hand remain in his, for the moment.

"It's not an easy thing to admit that your wife prefers women to men – it doesn't do a lot for a man's ego," he confessed, as he caressed the top of her hand with his thumb.  "Didn't you ever wonder why Suzanne was so accepting about my relationship with you?"

"She knew!"  CJ was shocked. She had no idea that Suzanne knew exactly who John was sleeping with.

"We may not be man and wife in the true sense anymore but we are still friends – we still have children together.  Actually, she guessed there was someone important, she told me I was the happiest she had ever seen me and I told her about you."  John raised his hand to cup CJ's cheek, "you do make me happy."

"I….I still don't understand."

"Suzanne had only recently started seeing Helen.  What I didn't know, was that when Helen had been at the Observatory, she had been breaking in to my private study and copying documents."

CJ looked up at John. He didn't have to throw his career away after all, he was in the clear.  Hope welled in her chest.  John saw it in CJ's eyes and knew he had to finish.

"CJ, I don't want to put my family through this; I don't want my kids being taunted at school because their mother is a lesbian.  If the media thinks it was me having an affair, it will die down more quickly.  ]f everything else comes out, it will go on forever.  They will never let it go and you know it."

CJ had to admit he was right, the hype would die down much quicker this way, but he was throwing away everything he had ever worked for.

As if reading her mind, John raised her hand and kissed it.  "There are some things worth more than a political career and my kids are one of them."  CJ moved closer to him and settled into his warm embrace.  "You are the other," he whispered into her ear.  CJ turned her head to look at him questioningly.  "I love you CJ and if the truth came out it could destroy your career as well as mine and I don't want that for you."

CJ sat there silently contemplating everything John had said.  She knew his way would mean the least amount of damage control, but to her it seemed like too high a price to have to pay.  Before she could try and convince him too change his mind, he told her he had already offered his resignation to the President.

Once again, CJ was stunned into silence; this whole situation was beginning to take on a surreal quality but she knew what she had to do.

"John, I love you.  I'll support whatever you feel you need to do."  She turned her body and kissed the man she loved, knowing that whatever the media threw at him over the coming weeks she would be there for him.

The End


End file.
